I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
