Heybabeimwearingurpanties
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
