So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
