I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
