Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
