he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
