Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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