that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
