So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
