then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
