I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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