I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
