I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
