A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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