My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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