yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
