Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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