Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just forgot I was standing up.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
