dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
