The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
