I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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