What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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