Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
