i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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