Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If that was your dad, he is hot
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
