Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
