I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
