She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
