last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
