The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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