her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
