Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
