well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He has the fingertips of a God
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
