its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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