no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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