Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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