I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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