i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
