are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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