yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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