are you still at the devil's house?
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
