You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
