I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize