If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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