why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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