Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
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Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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