couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
