Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
do herpes really smell.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
