My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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