Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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