im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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