if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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