All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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