You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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