the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
