I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
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Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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