she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
