Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
