all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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