who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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