Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Congratulations! We have a period
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
