Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
