I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
