somebody snuck up and got me drunk
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
