I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
