he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
