omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
