I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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