It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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