I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
