If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
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When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
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i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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