Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
