I wanna bring you to show and tell
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i think i scared a bird with my dick
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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