cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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