I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I intend to get homeless drunk
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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