I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
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hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize