Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
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Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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