why didn't you poke me back
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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