maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize