They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
